Handbook on history of the reign of the USSR
in the context of mass culture.
--- Читать на русском можно here ---
Translated into English - Yulia Manukyan
Vladimir Ilyich
ZOMBIE
The corpse recovered the fantastic way. Figuratively the word can mean the obsessed person who is under strong influence of any belief, hobbies or some sort of destructive cult.
"Lenin lived, Lenin is alive, Lenin will be living for ever!" – the famous slogan that describes all of the outrage around the preservation of the revolutionary’s body. Monuments, songs, stories and memories of Lenin’s good heart do not let it rest in peace. His image is destined to materialize in the former Soviet territories, along with a bunch of the walking dead, its true followers of the retirement age.
Lenin’s hunger for knowledge in his lifetime was revived in the basic need of Zombies to hunt for fresh brains and naive mortals, especially children, who Vladimir loved even more than his wife-witch – Nadia Krupnaya.
Iosif Vissarionovich
GHOUL
The all-Slavic mythological character, the dead man who is getting up at night from a grave; he harms to people and cattle, sucks their blood, causes damage to economy. The belief in ghouls in Ukraine is strongest. They are believed to cause hunger, a pestilence, a drought.
The bloodiest ruler of all described here. He appropriated the titles of Tsar, the Count Dracula, the Ingenious Secretary and the Bloodsucker of the Entire Russia. As well as it is peculiar to the thousand-year vampire, he had conservative and paranoid views therefore, he reveled in blood of the progressive intellectuals since evening. For a dessert he preferred to suck Lenin's relics, thereby supporting both him and himself in shape.
At midnight he unsuccessfully concluded a bet with the Demon-Nazi Mephistopheles who traditionally conned him out of several billions of tons of the mortals’ ichor. By the dawn he was inflated like a tick and he vomited directly on the parquet where he died. They say so.
Nowadays there is an opinion that the Ghoul is "the Star" and "did a lot", but these rumors are spread only by the "bitten". All of them are still preparing with big enthusiasm for the Second Coming.
Nikita Sergeyevich
GHOST
In traditional beliefs the spirit of the dead person or a mythical being, which is shown in a visible or another form in real life (from invisible and intangible presence
to realistic supervision).
The Ghost is a consequence of the Bloodsucker’s death. It was just the time of the vernal thaw and the Ghoul’s body sizzled so much, hissed and let out such a spirit, which, because of heavy elements in its composition, is not able to scatter, thus forming a Ghost. In the end the Ghost publicly detested the cult of the Ghoul, justifying its presence on the throne and to this world.
Unlike its predecessor, the Ghost was harmless, but he was very terrifying for the opposing states and art groups. He frightened nuclear powers just by the Shoe, and delicate painters – by a bulldozer, in addition cursing them forever into sexual minorities.
Sputnik and the first manned flight into space were not the merits of the Ghost, but the famous circles in the corn fields are his pranks, but not of some alien UFOs. One day he got so carried away naughty that ruined the entire crop of popcorn. That's why he was repeatedly but unsuccessfully banished by warlocks.
After the Ghost returned the Crimea to Ukraine, the patience finally burst.
Having waited for a full moon, magicians gathered for a cemetery, took off clothes, covered themselves with butter, scarce for that time, and showed "a kuzkina mother"... Though the Ghost was not much affected by that, he left after all. But he caused awakening of the terrible monster – the Golem.
Leonid Ilyich
GOLEM
The person from a lifeless matter recovered by kabbalists by means of secret knowledge. In early Yiddish the word the goyly had a figurative meaning of "idol", "the silly and slow person", "blockhead".
Lenya Golem, as it is peculiar to all Frankenstein-alike monsters, was the extremely sluggish, muffled and trustful. All evil spirits surrounding him used it and the mortals did not really care of him and the state. He regularly had to obey councils of devils and to abuse injections to support the sucking body and the stagnant state.
When his brains completely rotted through, the Golem gave "green light" to ritual of mass sacrifice of virgin men (and males) on Sabbath in Afghanistan. Thus he didn't cease to award himself medals, and decorated his hollow framework very densely with them. When this clanking armor was removed, they testified the huge, warm heart knocking as the devil reported the Ghoul on the mortal. Probably, it was tired very much of such heavy burden and once ceased to beat for the Golem.
Yury Vladimirovich
WEREWOLF
The mythological being capable temporarily to change its shape in the magic way, turning from the person into another being. In the European folklore it is the most characteristic image of the werewolf, known as a wolf man in Slavic mythology.
The Werewolf somehow quickly came to be on a place of the Golem. They say that he prepared for it since the Ghoul. The Werewolf differed from other evil spirits in that he could hear and see very well. The sharp scent induced in him a desire to reform the grown mouldy inheritance of the predecessor. However, he thought up nothing better than to create the whole network structure – Corporation of Hounds and Fleet (KGB). His dogs sniffed up dissolute maidens in baths and alcoholics in restaurants. Even caught the school students skipping lessons. Generally, they densely settled down in not dull lives of the mortal.
As well as it is peculiar to the werewolf, life of the Werewolf was binary, the biography completely forged and cruelty accompanied with fear. In "stagnation fog" contours of the Evil Empire already started appearing, and everything would turn back very bad if Werewolf didn't chill his kidney, having regained consciousness absolutely nude after a full-moonlight night on cold Crimean stones. Say that he was touched by a silver bullet of the Marked. Well, he strongly got sick and died.
Konstantin Ustinovich
MUMMY
The body subjected to special chemical processing as a result of which process of decomposition of fabrics stops or slowed down is called as a mummy.
Who is he? Why is he? Did he really exist? Very few people will remember him for such short and not productive term. But...
It wasn't necessary to persuade the Mummy long. Actually, he was always silent. Whatever he lowed, servants of evil forces started unwinding him slowly. What the f..ck! While interacting to oxygen there was a chemical reaction and a thin shell of dry fabric was scattered in the eyes. No one managed even to make selfies, not saying about artful crimes.
Mishka
THE MARKED
The ancient prophecy said that the Chosen will come...
with the Mark on the Forehead and the Empire will fail, and all Demons will go to the Hell. Also the Mortal will be exempted from oppression of Dullness and Meanness. And the Evil spirits will be born from everyone who listened to neither Freedom, nor Glasnost. And the Rake will step on the Old. To Ruin, to Forget, to Rob. To draw the obscure Pictograms. To Crave for the Second Coming. With the head into the Sacred Beard. Also there will be that damned Chosen. Though he will get only the Award. Just that Nobel Award! And the Light Soldiers will appeare. And the Black Clouds will be shown. And on their merits to everyone. And to those who are for Creativity with Pleasure, who are in Thirst of Love to Understanding. And to those who don’t Care. And to those who will want to be hung up. There will ascend three fruits of Enlightenment. Jackals with the Hyena Fiery. In the Network like Speechless Fish. Devouring with Eyes of TeleMemory.
Float in Poisonous Streams. Where naked Pawns bite.
When the Balance comes,
there will be nobody
to Confess.
