Sometimes I feel like there’s an elephant sitting on my chest and I’m not strong enough to lift my sadness
Sometimes I feel like the only thing I can breathe is grief
I feel as if
As if I’m in a perpetual state of indigo
As if I’m in a perpetual state of indigo
Lingering between blue and black
I don’t know how to get to the top of the rainbow
I have hated the color red
Because that was the color of my rapist’s underwear
Because that was the color of my rapist’s underwear
That was the last thing I saw before my soul grew too heavy to let my eyes wander the playground
I was 5 years old
I am 19
My eyes wander now
But I need glasses to see
My eyes wander now
But I need glasses to see
I hate wearing glasses
Because they’re just another burden I carry on my body
They remind me of other ways that i didn’t take care of myself
They remind me of my weight
They remind me of the white scars from the time the only sharp helper I could find to subdue the hurt was glass
Because they’re just another burden I carry on my body
They remind me of other ways that i didn’t take care of myself
They remind me of my weight
They remind me of the white scars from the time the only sharp helper I could find to subdue the hurt was glass
Sometimes I think I’m glass
And the elephant will leave cracks
And the elephant will leave cracks
Sometimes I think I’ll shatter
The temperature is always wrong
The temperature is always wrong
It’s too hot when I want to be alone
And too cold when I am
And too cold when I am
It’s usually too cold
It’s only warm when I forget who I am.
When I forget that I have a pet elephant
But the trouble is
Elephants have good memory
Elephants don’t forget
Elephants don’t forget