My lived experience as a once unwitting recipient of "the Dr. G________ Special”
ABOUT THIS LAPBOOK GALLERY:
As a trauma awareness artist I have produced well over 200 watercolors. I exhibit my paintings in Lapbook Galleries to communicate my lived experience as well as principles of the neurobiology of trauma, which I have studied since 2014. Some of my images are disturbing, especially those that express mylived experience with “The Dr. [name redacted] Special.” It is a story so horrifying that few can stomach the facts. These images of are cartoonized to help protect the viewer from being overwhelmed. They may still be upsetting or triggering. You may notice a visceral response, perhaps a tightening of the belly. After you read the book you may want to breathebreathefresh air, get up and move, or read some jokes. Anything that makes you feel goodness inside you can help bring your nervous system back into a more regulated state.
As you look at these images and notice your body's response, you may feel the urge to turn away. Please remember that to turn away is a privilege. You can go back to your normal life and be minimally affected by what you saw and felt. I must live with what he did for the rest of my life. I can't turn away. I don't have that privilege. I feel that tightness in my belly every day. It's in my body forever.
Because he did THIS to me.
© Copyright 2020 by Shay Seaborne, CPTSD. All Rights Reserved.
If he had taken two minutes to inform me, I'd be off doing what I love instead of doing what I must.
I had no idea a doctor could or would break such a huge promise, much less, that I’d forever pay the price of my ignorance.
What did happen…
As the developer of the Dr. G________ Special, he knew the rectocele might need treatment and that he wouldn't be certain until I was knocked out.
It was his professional and ethical responsibility to tell me. The patient should not have to guess or be surprised!
His presentation of a false sense of transparency led me to believe he was the kind of doctor I needed: honest, and concerned about the quality of my experience. I had no reason to suspect he would withhold the crucial facts I needed to make an informed decision about what would happen to my body.
“When did you first know something was wrong?” the police officer asked when taking my complaint. I paused to consider and was overwhelmed by a powerful flashback. “They’re pulling yards of bloody bandages out of my body. It hurts so bad and there is so much blood and I don’t understand why, because that's not what was supposed to have happened! I do not feel safe. I have to get out of here!”
It is not informed consent when the patient learns about tissue removal procedure after the fact. “Informed consent is not just the signing of a form. Informed consent is about a thorough process of communication between patient and provider.” - Aaron Fink, MD, Emory University School of Medicine
At home post-op I looked up the non-consensual procedures. I was horrified to find the surgeon had done exactly the opposite of what he promised. He cut my genitals in TWO procedures we had not discussed! He made external incisions and removed healthy tissue. From my genitals! Who does that but a monster?
After he shamed me he insisted “you can’t always tell until the patient is fully relaxed.” I brought up his professional duty to be sensitive to the fact that, as a GYN, statistically a significant number of his patients have been sexually abused (so don’t cut them without consent). He cut me off and emitted a stream of Sensitivity 101 verbiage with such venom and resentment it had the intended chilling effect; I fell silent. The surgeon had shown me great contempt.
“The perineorrhaphy site aches and the incision just inside the posterior vaginal opening burns. It is extremely sensitive to any pressure. Swelling along sides of the perineum.” He didn’t tell me in advance about the rectocele treatment, so I learned something about the expected pain and typical recovery timeline on DAY 96. Day 96!
There is no “back to normal life” for me. The impact of this betrayal trauma is enormous. It so negatively affected my physical and mental health that it changed the course of my life and greatly reduced my quality of life. I have had and will need lots more specialized care and spend great quantities of time and effort on healing, probably for years, and likely to my end.
As horrific as these images are, my story is not unique. Tragically, an unknown number of his other patients have suffered similarly, if not worse, because hospital administrators did not make it stop. This is how he treats us. Please, help to make it stop.
A Deputy Attorney General let me know there are NO legal protections in Delaware; when it comes to chosing a doctor to trust, we’re to just hope we get lucky.
